Epiphany

Epiphany by Janet Mackenzie of BridgeBuilding icons.

The Journey Of The Magi

'A cold coming we had of it,
Just the worst time of the year
For a journey, and such a long journey:
The ways deep and the weather sharp,
The very dead of winter.'
And the camels galled, sorefooted, refractory,
Lying down in the melting snow.
There were times we regretted
The summer palaces on slopes, the terraces,
And the silken girls bringing sherbet.
Then the camel men cursing and grumbling
and running away, and wanting their liquor and women,
And the night-fires going out, and the lack of shelters,
And the cities hostile and the towns unfriendly
And the villages dirty and charging high prices:
A hard time we had of it.
At the end we preferred to travel all night,
Sleeping in snatches,
With the voices singing in our ears, saying
That this was all folly.

Then at dawn we came down to a temperate valley,
Wet, below the snow line, smelling of vegetation;
With a running stream and a water-mill beating the darkness,
And three trees on the low sky,
And an old white horse galloped away in the meadow.
Then we came to a tavern with vine-leaves over the lintel,
Six hands at an open door dicing for pieces of silver,
And feet kiking the empty wine-skins.
But there was no information, and so we continued
And arriving at evening, not a moment too soon
Finding the place; it was (you might say) satisfactory.

All this was a long time ago, I remember,
And I would do it again, but set down
This set down
This: were we led all that way for
Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly
We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death,
But had thought they were different; this Birth was
Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death.
We returned to our places, these Kingdoms,
But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,
With an alien people clutching their gods.
I should be glad of another death.

T.S. Eliot

And for a completely different perspective!

The Queens Came Late

The Queens came late, but the Queens were there

With gifts in their hands and crowns in their hair.

They'd come, these three, like the Kings, from far,

Following, yes, that guiding star.

They'd left their ladles, linens, looms,

Their children playing in nursery rooms,

And told their sitters:

"Take charge! For this

Is a marvelous sight we must not miss!"

The Queens came late, but not too late

To see the animals small and great,

Feathered and furred, domestic and wild,

Gathered to gaze at a mother and child.

And rather than frankincense and myrrh

And gold for the babe, they brought for her

Who held him, a homespun gown of blue,

And chicken soup--with noodles, too-

And a lingering, lasting, cradle-song.

The Queens came late and stayed not long,

For their thoughts already were straining far-

Past manger and mother and guiding star

And a child aglow as a morning sun-

Toward home and children and chores undone.

-Norma Farber in When It Snowed That Night

A Happy, Holy and Hopeful New Year.

We spent our last few days of 2013 at the Oregon Coast.   First one day with Elisabeth before I took her back to Seattle Pacific.

Family Selfie.

Then Paul and I rented a yurt and went camping for a night

We read, we played scrabble, we ate hobo stew in foil packets and we walked on the beach.

.

It was a lovely and restful time.

While we were there, I read Telling Secrets by Frederich Buechner.  I grabbed this book off the shelf in Powell's Books last week as I have been wanting to read some of Buechner's books.  I've seen many quotes of his writing and I knew I needed to read him.  I  can not recommend this book highly enough and I will be looking for more of his writing.  His life is very deep and he has important things to say.  Here is the central them of the book.

“I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition—that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are—even if we tell it only to ourselves—because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier that way to see where we have been in our lives and where we are going. It also makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own, and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being human is all about.” 
― Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets

I've come across this other quote by him twice in the last 24 hours and I try to pay attention when that happens.

There is no event so commonplace but that God is present within it, always hiddenly, always leaving you room to recognize him or not to recognize him…Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace."

– Frederick Buechner, Listening to Your Life

I started off the New Year by listening to Wendell Berry read his poem about hope.  

Wendell Berry on Hope

The text is below.  It's well worth the time to hear him read.

It is hard to have hope. It is harder as you grow old,

For hope must not depend on feeling good
And there is the dream of loneliness at absolute midnight.
You also have withdrawn belief in the present reality
Of the future, which surely will surprise us,
…And hope is harder when it cannot come by prediction
Any more than by wishing. But stop dithering.
The young ask the old to hope. What will you tell them?
Tell them at least what you say to yourself.

Because we have not made our lives to fit
Our places, the forests are ruined, the fields eroded,
The streams polluted, the mountains overturned. Hope
Then to belong to your place by your own knowledge
Of what it is that no other place is, and by
Your caring for it as you care for no other place, this
Place that you belong to though it is not yours,
For it was from the beginning and will be to the end

Belong to your place by knowledge of the others who are
Your neighbors in it: the old man, sick and poor,
Who comes like a heron to fish in the creek,
And the fish in the creek, and the heron who manlike
Fishes for the fish in the creek, and the birds who sing
In the trees in the silence of the fisherman
And the heron, and the trees that keep the land
They stand upon as we too must keep it, or die.

This knowledge cannot be taken from you by power
Or by wealth. It will stop your ears to the powerful
when they ask for your faith, and to the wealthy
when they ask for your land and your work.
Answer with knowledge of the others who are here
And how to be here with them. By this knowledge
Make the sense you need to make. By it stand
In the dignity of good sense, whatever may follow.
Speak to your fellow humans as your place
Has taught you to speak, as it has spoken to you.
Speak its dialect as your old compatriots spoke it
Before they had heard a radio. Speak
Publicly what cannot be taught or learned in public.

Listen privately, silently to the voices that rise up
From the pages of books and from your own heart.
Be still and listen to the voices that belong
To the streambanks and the trees and the open fields.
There are songs and sayings that belong to this place,
By which it speaks for itself and no other.

Found your hope, then, on the ground under your feet.
Your hope of Heaven, let it rest on the ground
Underfoot. Be it lighted by the light that falls
Freely upon it after the darkness of the nights
And the darkness of our ignorance and madness.
Let it be lighted also by the light that is within you,
Which is the light of imagination. By it you see
The likeness of people in other places to yourself
In your place. It lights invariably the need for care
Toward other people, other creatures, in other places
As you would ask them for care toward your place and you.

No place at last is better than the world. The world
Is no better than its places. Its places at last
Are no better than their people while their people
Continue in them. When the people make
Dark the light within them, the world darkens.

-Wendell Berry

The Light has come.

Turn around and believe that the good news that we are loved is better than we ever dared hope, and that to believe in that good news, to live out of it and toward it, to be in love with that good news, is of all glad things in this world the gladdest thing of all. Amen, and come Lord Jesus.

-Frederick Buechner

The winter solstice has come and so has Christmas.  God speaks in creation as the days get longer.   Winter is usually a productive time for me.  I have great energy for knitting and reading and planning.  Sometimes I think that I love Advent more than Christmas- that sense of anticipation and planning.

I've been thinking a lot about light and found this on the blog This Sacramental Life  Check out the pictures and the video at the bottom- they are exquisite.

Light Shower    

Light

This poem came to me through the Tumbler Blog LitVerve.  I love Christian Wiman's thought and poetry and these images of light and dark moved me.

Hard Night

What words or harder gift

does the light require of me

carving from the dark

this difficult tree?

What place or farther peace

do I almost see

emerging from the night

and heart of me?

The sky whitens, goes on and on.

Fields wrinkle into rows

of cotton, go on and on.

Night like a fling of crows

disperses and is gone.

What song, what home,

what calm or one clarity

can I not quite come to,

never quite see:

this field, this sky, this tree.

"

– Christian Wiman, “Hard Night”

More on Christian Wiman?   Check out this link.  Christian Wiman

I also loved this poem as books are my friends and calm me into thought and silence.

ZWIJGEN
I slept before a wall of books and they
calmed everything in the room, even
their contents, even me, woken
by the cold and thrill, and still
they said, like the Dutch verb for falling
silent that English has no accommodation for
in the attics and rafters of its intimacies.
 - Saskia Hamilton

Advent Musings.

Love this banner by Amarilys Henderson. Other work can be purchased at Watercolor Devo

Also this by Joanna Winter.  Can be purchased at Messy Lab studio

I saw this picture on this fantastic blog This Sacramental Life

Annunciation by John Collier

 from this source

It gave me a new understanding of Mary.

I read this poem by Malcolm Guite

  O Sapientia

I cannot think unless I have been thought,

Nor can I speak unless I have been spoken.

I cannot teach except as I am taught,

Or break the bread except as I am broken.

O Mind behind the mind through which I seek,

O Light within the light by which I see,

O Word beneath the words with which I speak,

O founding, unfound Wisdom, finding me,

O sounding Song whose depth is sounding me,

O Memory of time, reminding me,

My Ground of Being, always grounding me,

My Maker’s Bounding Line, defining me,

Come, hidden Wisdom, come with all you bring,

Come to me now, disguised as everything.

Source

Google Malcolm Guite - you'll be glad you did.  Priest, poet and rock and roll player.

On less ethereal matters, Elisabeth is home for Christmas and we are glad. She has a new job in Seattle taking pizza orders at Zeke's. The Philippines is still very much on her heart and mind. Three young men from Alabama stayed the night last night while on their layover to the Philippines. She met them in Manila last summer. I do love a little bit of "Ma'am" every once and a while.

I'll be changing jobs (again) in the New Year.  My adjunct job at George Fox is over for now- no classes for me to teach in the Spring.  I'll be working as a para-educator with ESL students in an elementary school that is 30% ESL students ( called ELL's at the elementary level).  I've sat through a few trainings and met the women I will work with and I think it will be a good fit for me.  I'll be working with 4th and 5th graders.

Our foster son was officially adopted and is now with his forever family in the US.  This brings me such great peace.  He seems to be doing well and we are thankful for that.

Christmas should be nice and quiet.  We will try to head over to the coast the day before or the day after Christmas.  We will open gifts and have a traditional Christmas brunch with the three of us and then head to the movies in the afternoon.

Merry Christmas to all.

Watching and Waiting- A Few Random Thoughts.

I've seen this video on several sites and it's definitely worth watching.

Xu Bing and the Phoenix.

The reality of the lives of migrants workers in China is grim.  For this man to see, truly see them is amazing.  We had many migrant workers in our city in China and their living conditions were terrible. 

  

John Blase at the Beautiful Due The Beautiful Due  and Winn Collier at http://winncollier.com/ are doing parallel posts on Advent.  Really beautiful.

I saw a post on Pinterest for black bean fudge- sugar free, gluten free and dairy free.  That isn't hard to say no to at all.  Yuck.  What's the point?

The other day I got an e-mail from a student that said he couldn't come to class because he was "suck and tried."  Aren't we all?

Another student apologized for not coming to class by saying "I am sorry for you."  It's so rare that someone is sorry for me that I accepted the apology.

We actually had some snow here.  Not much but enough to make the roads slippery.  I couldn't get on the highway to get to work, because there was an accident that completely blocked the way.  So I had a Snow Day.  What is it about an unexpected day off that makes it feel like a week off?  It was lovely.

I am reading Return to Our Senses:  Re-imagining How We Pray by Christine Sine.  It's a lovely book that is causing me to go deeper into prayer in so many ways. It's a mix between traditional and contemplative practices and it's so beautifully written.  It's available on Amazon and also the Mustard Seed  Associates website.  

Advent

Adeste

Come all ye fickle, weary and worn.

O come let us adore him like the O damn fools

we are hanging on if by a thread to the tale

of a girl and the god and the baby they sang

into the whole dear world.

~

O come all ye citizens of this turning scorn.

O come let us sing though our eyes are tired

of looking for his salvation. Let us raise our

voices of that happy morn and groan him

into the world one more time.

John Blase posted at The Beautiful Due.

In this season of hoping and waiting, I light the Advent candles each morning.

One each week as we get closer and closer to the incarnation.  At a recent Advent retreat, lead by Christine Sine, we talked about the three comings of Jesus.  The first is in the flesh as a baby-this coming attracts our hearts but doesn't demand much of our soul.  The second is the coming presence of God in the resurrection-the question is how are we aware of the presence of God and what part do we want.  The third is the longing for the kingdom of God in the Second Coming- what are we longing for and how do our priorities of time, talent, and resources reflect that.

Our lives are to be a balance and we set priorities of 

Feasting and fasting

Work and rest

Solitude and Community

So our bare tree

becomes this tree

as we celebrate the coming of Jesus.

During this half day retreat, we also talked about Practices of Restoration and Practices of Transformation.  Our practices of restoration remind us of who we are in our faith community and identity- going to church or Mass, prayer, communion, Scripture reading.  At Christmas, the symbols of the tree, the Advent wreath, Nativity sets all remind us of of who we are.  Most practices of Restoration are highly structured and provide a certain measure of order and predictability. 

Practices of transformation are more risky.  They are meant to transform us at our core and to give us a sense of God's eternal kingdom.  These practices have a high degree of creativity and unpredictability.  We have to choose them for ourselves....how do we really want to be transformed?  The practice may be a practice of silence, going deeper to hear the voice of God.  It may be working on a project or with a person who is unfamiliar or uncomfortable.  Whatever it is, it is designed to change us, to make us new and different.

Recently a little sparrow came and looked inside our glass sliding door.

It had snowed the day before and was very, very cold.  I put sunflowers on the patio and he hopped up and looked inside for quite a while.  Yet bringing him inside would mean certain stress and maybe even death.  Birds are designed to be outside in the cold-they fluff up their feathers and sit close together.  What seemed like a safe place for him to be (inside and warm) was the most dangerous for his life.  

That is what a practice of transformation does for us- it puts us where we are meant to be.

Our little foster son is with his family now.  There is such a sense of peace, knowing that he is safe and whole and loved.  We have been in this waiting season for so long now.  What a joy that his journey to his family is finished...and also just beginning.

From Love to Love to Love.

More than two years ago, our sweet little foster son came into our lives and today he turns four.  He came into our life for one night and ended up staying for two years.  This month, he will finally join his forever family.  He has been loved and will be loved.  We are so thankful.
We will never forget the night he came- skinny and scared and hungry.  He was so weak he couldn't suck on a bottle but we pressed on until he drank a little formula.  We put him down to sleep on some piled blankets and when we woke up two hours late to feed him again, his bright little eyes were looking around the room. What could he have been thinking or feeling?
I picked  him up that night and and looked at him and said "You will live."  And he did.  We figured out a feeding plan, cleared up the pneumonia and he began to grow and thrive.  He had  a sweetness about him that just made my heart melt.  He gained the developmental milestones that he should have and all his teeth came in at about the same time.  His fun and determined personality came out.  He was a treasure.
We were very naive when we got him.  We thought we would get him healthy, find him a family and get him home.  We thought we would have him for about nine months.  We didn't know about the governmental resistance to allowing children with Down Syndrome to be adopted.  We planned and we schemed and we prayed.  Each time we took him to the orphanage for vaccinations, we would dress him up in his cutest clothes.  We would bring books and toys to show them what he could do.  One of the nurses told us that she had never seen a special needs child look at a book. We wanted the people there to see him as a person- a little boy who  needed a family.  On one of our last visits there, several people came into the room to look at him.  Soon after that, we got the text that changed everything.  The text that said to look at our e-mail when we got home, that the orphanage had said yes to doing the adoption paperwork.  I will never, forget that moment when we knew that our sweet little guy had a future. It's one of the top moments of my life.
So this month, he will be joining his forever family.  A family where he will have brothers and sisters and grandparents!  Amazing.  Since we left China, he has been staying with his wonderful, fierce ayi.   She helped us take care of him when we were in China and she is such a major part of his growth.  She and her husband have stepped outside of cultural norms and invested and loved in a child with Down Syndrome who was not a blood relative.  She taught him how to stand by leaning him against a wall so that he would get the idea.  She read books to him.  She took him out in public and let him make friends with kids in the neighborhood. She has sent us pictures and videos in the year and a half since we left China. She has loved him with a strong and sacrificial love.  May she and her family be blessed.
Thank you to Dr. E and Dr. GJ who found him in the orphanage and convinced them to let him go into foster care.  Thank you to Dr. Eva and Dr. Katherine who worked out a feeding plan and came over to check on him every time I called.  Thank you to Dr. Nancy, the tiny Taiwanese doctor who read the hospital the riot act when our little guy needed oxygen.  To HM who kept asking the orphanage if he could be adopted. Thank you to Pam, speech therapist above no other who helped us to strengthen his swallowing.  Thank you to Gillian, who helped so much with our understanding of Down Syndrome.  Thank you to Julie G. who also helped us with physical therapy resources.  Thank you to Maggi for sending over beautiful clothes for our handsome guy.  Thank you all who helped him.
Thank you to Elisabeth for welcoming a little brother into our family and letting it change your life.  Thank you Christa and Jason and Peggy for all that you have done to help this little guy.
Thank you, Lynn and John for sending out the letter that found his forever family.  To his forever family...we have only met by e-mail and SKYPE but we love you and pray for you.  Thank you for taking a risk and adding a special needs little one to your family.  We have no doubts that you are the perfect family for him and we are so thankful you were willing to take on the mountains of paperwork and expenses that it takes for international adoption.  We will always love him with a deep love but we are so glad he will be a part of your family.
Every year on our foster son's birthday, I think about his birth parents and I wonder if they are thinking about him.  We do not know the complicated circumstances that made them abandon him in a hospital.  But I hope they are thinking about him today.  All though I know they will never read this, I want them to know what all birth parents want for their children- that he is loved and he is safe.
To our sweet little guy, the next part of your life may be difficult as you leave all that you know to enter your whole new life.  But it will be worth it because you are worth it.  We love you and will never forget you.  You are always a part of our heart.
Hagar wandering in the wilderness called God "The God who sees" (Genesis 16:13).  We are so thankful that the God Who Sees saw this little one.  Selah.